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{"contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"community"}

Need help decoding your child's behavior?

News Type: Event — Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:33 AM EST

TODAYMoms

Your infant is screaming and nothing you do seems to satisfy her. Dressing your toddler is a disaster in the morning. So what do you do? In her book, "Child Sense," child development expert Priscilla Dunstan explains how determining your child's primary sense can help you understand them better and create a happier home for the whole family. (Read an excerpt here.)

Dunstan joined us on TODAY Moms to answer your questions and share some advice. Read the discussion.

And for more information you can also check out Dunstan's advice in her blog post on how to use the five senses to dress your child and by visiting her website at: ChildSense.com

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{"commentId":10466320,"authorDomain":"sdani"}

S. Dani

My friend's 4 year-old can be very tough to dress in the morning. Any hints on how she can use the senses to better understand her behavior?

{"commentId":10466320,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"sdani"}

2 votes

#1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:39 AM EST

{"commentId":10466356,"authorDomain":"sdani"}

S. Dani

And on another note, her 7 year-old gets so wound up at bedtime she acts like she's ready to run a marathon instead of settle down to sleep. Any tricks to making bedtime more peaceful?

{"commentId":10466356,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"sdani"}

#2 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:40 AM EST

{"commentId":10467411,"authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

TODAY Moms expert

I have found that tactile children often need to get rid of any left over energy before they can go to sleep. Parents have had a lot of success by giving them a small exercise routine before sleep rather then the more traditional wind down. it's also a good idea to try and keep to the same time for sleep each day and to be aware of the child becoming overtired, this too can lead to an excess of energy at bedtime.

As to your previous question, dressing can be made much more peaceful by using the senses, each sense has it's preferences and once you know what sense the child is, it will simply be a question of working to that preference. Please view the blog on dressing from yesterday, as it will give you some more information

Thank you

Priscilla

{"commentId":10467411,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

#2.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:19 AM EST

{"commentId":10466477,"authorDomain":"Maddysmom"}

Diane-1451160

My daughter just turned six months old. We are still swaddling her. She does not fight the swaddle at all, but will break out of it. When she does this, she starts crying. I am struggling as to whether to stop the swaddle or continue because she seems to like it and sleeps very well at night. Do you have any suggestions?

{"commentId":10466477,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"Maddysmom"}

1 vote

#3 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:45 AM EST

{"commentId":10466498,"authorDomain":"dawn1451162"}

Dawn-1451162

I am interested in knowing Ms. Dunstan's professionally recognized license as a 'behavior specialist' and what prompted her to back out of the clinical trial at Brown University to validate her claims as a reliable theory? If she is making assumptions based on her own personal observations about a 'crying language' for babies, then surely she is must be doing this for entertainment purposes, and should not be recognized as an expert in behavior by the media.

{"commentId":10466498,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"dawn1451162"}

#4 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:45 AM EST

{"commentId":10466969,"authorDomain":"gigi-dana"}

gigi dana

I don't care what her "qualifications" are... if you had used her crying babies tape you wouldn't be asking.. it has worked wonders for everyone that I know who has taken the time to watch it... please find something else to be "down" on.

{"commentId":10466969,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"gigi-dana"}

#4.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:02 AM EST

{"commentId":10466532,"authorDomain":"ginnyf"}

Ginny Fontana

My 18 month is climbing out of his crib. This is really affecting the amount of sleep he is getting. What can I do?

{"commentId":10466532,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"ginnyf"}

1 vote

#5 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:46 AM EST

{"commentId":10467745,"authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

TODAY Moms expert

Keeping you child safe should always be a priority. If he's determined to climb out, then perhaps its time for a big boy bed. I am going to assume that this child is tactile, so one of the problems that may occur is he won't stay in bed, especially at the beginning of a nap.Tactile children respond to touch and having a job to do, so if you were to give him a cuddle, as you put him down, then give him a big boy teddy bear to stay with until the bear fell asleep, i think you'll find he will fall asleep.

Many parents have this very problem and in the book Child Sense, i run through a number of the very creative ways parents have tackled this issue, from pictures on walls for visual children to playing tapes of familiar sounds to the auditory child.

Hope the above helps

Priscilla

{"commentId":10467745,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

#5.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:33 AM EST

{"commentId":10466569,"authorDomain":"abbyw01"}

AbbyW01

Hi I have a 9 months old baby an she doesnt sleep at night she has one or 2 naps in the day but there like an hour but that's it... Even snice we had her she doesnt sleep... Me an my husband dont know what to do to get her to stay asleep or go to sleep... What should we do???? Thank you so much!!

{"commentId":10466569,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"abbyw01"}

#6 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:48 AM EST

{"commentId":10468318,"authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

TODAY Moms expert

You must be tired! I had a baby who had trouble with sleeping and it's hard!

The first thing would be to find out what sense she is, then try and keep the distractions to that sense, to a minimum. For example keeping a visual child's room very plain, or by placing a light burping sheet over the top of the stroller, allowing for air flow, so as to keep her visual world "boring", if she is auditory, being aware of the sounds that may distract her and try to either mask them via a tape of background noise or by trying to keep the distracting sounds to a minimum.

I once had a mom who would go and wash the dishes as soon as her auditory child was asleep, the sound of pots banging always woke her baby up, once she was aware her child was auditory, she made sure she either left the dishes till later or did it very quietly.

The child slept right through, just from that simple change.

Priscilla

{"commentId":10468318,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

#6.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:53 AM EST

{"commentId":10466579,"authorDomain":"kerinhentz"}

Kerin Hentz

Hi priscilla,

We have a 2yr old as of yesterday, 11 & 9 yr old daughters & a 6 yr old who had a brain tumor at age 1 & now has autism. Our two yr old can climb out of her crib as a month ago & is sleeping in a small room off of our bedroom. Now in a toddler bed she will not stay asleep & wants to be in our bed(and is!)The other options are to put her in a room with one of her siblings but the older girls need sleep & our son gets easily frustrated with her. How do we get her in her own bed and I am also concerned about her picking up some of our son's autistic like behaviors(loud noises, stimming etc). Any advice for our home to bring sleep & peace would be appreciated!

Thank you!

Kerin

{"commentId":10466579,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"kerinhentz"}

#7 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:48 AM EST

{"commentId":10466621,"authorDomain":"marianaclarke"}

Mariana Clarke

I have a 4 year old with Sensory Integration Modulation Disorder Type 1 with possible Asperger's Syndrome. I have a world of behavioral issuses and our health insurance does not cover it unless the school gets involved and they stated she was not elgible for services so now we are on hold. Any suggestions?

{"commentId":10466621,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"marianaclarke"}

1 vote

#8 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:50 AM EST

{"commentId":10468264,"authorDomain":"a-concerned-parent-1"}

A concerned parent-1451310

Where do you live? Some states have much better coverage than others.

{"commentId":10468264,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"a-concerned-parent-1"}

1 vote

#8.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:51 AM EST

{"commentId":10466632,"authorDomain":"lisa103"}

Lisa103

my grandson has signs of being autistic and has sensory issues. how do you figure out what primary sense category he would fall into in order to understand his needs on a daily basis?

{"commentId":10466632,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"lisa103"}

1 vote

#9 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:50 AM EST

{"commentId":10466645,"authorDomain":"gigi-dana"}

gigi dana

I watch my grandaughter, who is 18 monts old, every day.. she has been like the perfect child up to this point, but she has started squeeling really loud and will not stop! She will squeel and then say "no!" squeel and say "no!". I am getting ready to fly with her but I'm worried she'll start that on the plane... I have tried ignoring her and distracting her nothing seems to work. (haven't tried duck tape!) Please help for my sake and the sake of future passangers!

{"commentId":10466645,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"gigi-dana"}

#10 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:50 AM EST

{"commentId":10468733,"authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

TODAY Moms expert

Tantrums! aren't they lovely? sounds like you have a typical Auditory child tantrum on your hands. They are very hard on the ears and guarantee many looks and comments in public.

Firstly is there any pattern to her tantrums, do they come more frequently when she's tired, hungry, does she really hate the super market?

Tantrums are always best preempted, but once in full swing, there are a number of things you can do.

keep an ipod in your hand bag and when she starts becoming whiny, play her her favorite song,or a few auditory type books or toys.

once in tantrum mode, pretend you cant hear her, completely ignore the sound. It may be hard at first, but after a couple of times, she will get the message and another idea which actually works really well is to tape them, and play it back. I have had some parents copy their child until both end up laughing, do it gently like "oh are you being a cat? meow meow. what animal shall we be now. Distraction is always a good solution

Thanks for writing in!

Priscilla

{"commentId":10468733,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

#10.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 11:06 AM EST

{"commentId":10466649,"authorDomain":"cathy-1451191"}

Cathy-1451191

My daughter is 6 1/2 yrs old, with Down syndrome. Recently, approximately a month now, she began very defiant behavior. I try the "naughty corner" for timeouts, rewards and consequences (ex: watching tv or not) and nothing seems to work. She doesn't want to be told what to do, and I ask her nicely. She is also starting to display this behavior at school. Ex: while walking to class, asst principal greets her and my daughter thinks the ap is trying to tell her what to do, my daughter throws her lunchbox down and sits on ground refusing to go to class. ?????? I don't know what to do. ????

{"commentId":10466649,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"cathy-1451191"}

#11 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:50 AM EST

{"commentId":10466710,"authorDomain":"sara-beth"}

Sara Beth

My 11 month old son is crawling all around, but when I am not able to play with him he screams and follows me around the house. I am unable to hold him as much since I am 6 months pregnant so I let him cry and try to place a toy for him to play with and show him how it works. Even than he still screams until I pick him up. This has been going on for 3 1/2 months now what should I do?

{"commentId":10466710,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"sara-beth"}

#12 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:52 AM EST

{"commentId":10468997,"authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

TODAY Moms expert

Let me guess, he was the sort of baby that had to be held all the time?

Tactile children are very needy when it comes to cuddles, which is very difficult when you pregnant! Try carving out cuddle time periods, through out the day, where you both cuddle on the lounge reading a book, or playing. He will get your physical closeness with out there being such a toll on you.

Give him things to do, if your folding laundry have him try and fold a face washer, if your cooking, give him a few things to help with, holding the carrot etc. ( don't leave him unsupervised and pick age appropriate jobs) Setting him up next to you, playing with tactile interesting toys will also work, just as long as he can touch you every now and then.

Tactile children may seem like a lot of work when they are little,but just think you will always be able to get a hug from him even when he's a teenager :-)

Priscilla

{"commentId":10468997,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

#12.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 11:14 AM EST

{"commentId":10466730,"authorDomain":"GinaSeda"}

Gina Seda

My son has mosiac down syndrome and is coming into his terrible 2's and boy are they terrible!! When I tell him no he does whatever he's doing wrong again and as hes doing it he looks at me with a smile on his face(for a reaction). My biggest problem with him is the stove. He continually reaches up to touch it spitefully. I taught him hot and whenever he sees a candle he'll say OOOO, OT!! but still goes to touch it with a smile on looking at me. I don't know if he understands that he can get hurt. What do I do?????

{"commentId":10466730,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"GinaSeda"}

#13 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:53 AM EST

{"commentId":10466766,"authorDomain":"GinaSeda"}

Gina Seda

{"commentId":10466766,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"GinaSeda"}

#14 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:54 AM EST

{"commentId":10466784,"authorDomain":"jen-brown"}

jen-brown

Here's a question we didn't have a chance to get to during this morning's segment....

My 3-year-old daughter speaks rudely to strangers when she is embarrassed or angry. I don't want to reinforce the behavior, but also don't want to ignore it. What do you recommend?
Gail
Asbury, NJ

{"commentId":10466784,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"jen-brown"}

#15 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:55 AM EST

{"commentId":10466795,"authorDomain":"jenni-l-c"}

Jenni L C

hello,

My name is Jenni and i have 3 children, my youngest son, Malachi, has been diagnosed with adhd. he is in therapy and has a case manager he attends a regular public school pre-k program, but has an extremely hard time some days, he is very aggressive and defiant to his teachers and day therapists at the school. he will be meeting with a psychiartrist soon, because the school and many other adult caregivers at the school have never seen anything like this and it just seems that no one is helping. we have not had the same problems at home, well at least not to the degree at school, he has always been different and had a hard time just going thru daily activites. i refuse to subject him to medication at this point, it is not an option i am willing to explore. But he needs help and i am at a loss i love my children and he is a angel the other half of the time when he is not having his "meltdowns" and after they occur alot of times he cant remember what happened. PLEASE HELP i have tried as i said daycare, pre-k, therapy, case management, and we have redone alot of the ways we parent to better suit him. no one seems to be able to help and his stepfather and myself are at a loss we are a fulltime college students and we both work part time. thank you for any help you can offer. (my other children have none of these problems and malachi has a good relationship with them)

{"commentId":10466795,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"jenni-l-c"}

1 vote

#16 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:55 AM EST

{"commentId":10466871,"authorDomain":"deee"}

Dee-1451216

I have a 3 year old boy with moderate sensoryneural hearing loss (he does wear hearing aids, but there are times when he takes them out). The communication has always been an issue. I think he is very visual. What would you recommend as the most effective way to communicate and discipline. Also bed time has been very difficult as he does not want to slow down and go to bed. Any recommendations?

{"commentId":10466871,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"deee"}

#17 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 9:58 AM EST

{"commentId":10466960,"authorDomain":null}

I recently had my 2nd child, and I feel that my son acts out when it is just us 3 home. He doesn't listen, he gets into things when Im on the computer and he just doesn't seem to want to go to bed at night and takes an hour to get sleep. How do I deviate my time between him and my new baby. My fiance works odd hours and Im still on maternity leave will this affect him still when I return to work.

{"commentId":10466960,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954"}

#18 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:01 AM EST

{"commentId":10466962,"authorDomain":"terri-p"}

Terri p

My Child is 7 yrs. old and every since she has been a baby she always has to pick up kids and animals and hug them. She does this in a loving way but she can not control herself she will always hug the children and animals to the point of annoying. She can not keep her hands to herself.Even when we try to stop her or distract her with something else. Some children do not want to play with her because of this.

{"commentId":10466962,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"terri-p"}

#19 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:01 AM EST

{"commentId":10466982,"authorDomain":"GinaSeda"}

Gina Seda

My situation sounds very similar to Cathys with her daughter with down syndrome(even though mosiac down syndrome is different they still have similarities to children with down syndrome). My son is VERY strong willed, as a matter of fact when we go to physical therapy the therapist calls him "her work out of the week". When he doesn't get his way he'll scratch your face or pull your hair(with a smile while he's looking at me). My problem is that I don't know if he understands.

{"commentId":10466982,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"GinaSeda"}

1 vote

#20 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:02 AM EST

{"commentId":10468829,"authorDomain":"cathy-1451191"}

Cathy-1451191

Hi, Gina. Luckily my daughter doesn't "lash out" physically but she will physically refuse to stand up, get in the "naughty" chair, etc. And as I say she is "freakishly strong" for such a petite little girl it takes some effort to move her. I know that I don't have the right skills to deal with such issues, thus my submission here, but oh it can be so frustrating...for both of us. Good luck!

{"commentId":10468829,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"cathy-1451191"}

#20.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 11:08 AM EST

{"commentId":10466983,"authorDomain":"lindseyss"}

Lindsey S.

My 3 year old son has never really loved or even liked his 1year old baby brother. From the day we brought the new baby home, our oldest has been downright mean to him. He's covered him with things, hits him even when he's just walking by him, pushes him down, most times for no apparent reason. I know it's a jealousy thing, but no punishment or talking seems to help. He's even hit me when he's angry. I'm worried this will continue to get worse as he gets older. Please help. Thank you.

{"commentId":10466983,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"lindseyss"}

#21 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:02 AM EST

{"commentId":10469459,"authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

TODAY Moms expert

What needs to happen is a complete flip around of his attitude towards his brother. I am guessing that every time he gets in trouble he gets worse and hits his brother again?

I would suggest, lots and lots of direction and praise! I know it sounds abstract but, the point is to have him feel special because he is the big brother, that he gains not looses by having a little brother around. Have him help look after his brother by getting things for you,have him be incharge of packing the toys for a day out, because " only a big brother would know what his little brother would need"

make comments about how he is the only one who can stop his little brother crying and what would we all do without him to help. Build up his self esteem, and set him up for praise by giving him tasks he can do, unless there is a safty issue, ignor bad behaviour and praise good.

Once he feels important again, you can start teaching him how to be gentle with his brother and play games together, im sure they will become the best of siblings

i would also carve out some one on one special big brother/parent time -no little brothers allowed, this will give you an opportunity to re connect, parent to child, and make him feel he hasn't lost you to another.

Thanks

Priscilla

{"commentId":10469459,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

#21.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 11:29 AM EST

{"commentId":10466990,"authorDomain":"faithwalker964"}

faithwalker964

My 8 year old son has had developmental delays. My 2 year old trys to mimic my 8 year olds delayed speech among other things. I try to always correct him with the right way to do or say it. I do not want to get carried away with this so much that I am forgetting about normal everyday things that he needs to learn. What are you thoughts and recommendations?

{"commentId":10466990,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"faithwalker964"}

#22 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:03 AM EST

{"commentId":10466997,"authorDomain":"krista-williams"}

Krista Williams

I have 2 boys, 5 and 4, and then our darling daughter, who will be 1 in a little over a month. She does not like high chairs and is constantly climbing out of them, wanting to be held to eat. She also will not go to sleep on her own--she usually has to nurse. When I try to lay her in her crib, she wakes up and starts crying unconsolably until I pick her up and let her nurse. I am her human pacifier. She does not like pacifiers or bottles. At bedtime and naptime, if she starts crying and her daddy picks her up, she gets so upset she makes herself sick. How do I get her on a good bedtime routine so she will start putting herself to sleep and how do we make meal times a little better?

{"commentId":10466997,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"krista-williams"}

#23 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:03 AM EST

{"commentId":10467026,"authorDomain":"brynnsmommy"}

Lisa R.-1451232

What can I do for my 2 month old who cries when she is tried but she fights going to sleep and when I'm at work she cries when she's hungry but does not want to take a bottle what can we do to help her?

{"commentId":10467026,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"brynnsmommy"}

1 vote

#24 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:04 AM EST

{"commentId":10469615,"authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

TODAY Moms expert

This is more of a cry language question. I would listen out for her cries and see if you can hear any distinct sounds. I would assume from what you have said that the afternoons can be quite vocal. Make sure you are burping her before and after a feed, hold her up right as much as possible. If you go on line you can find examples of the baby cries and their meanings, see if that helps with the management of feeding, sleeping etc. My website www.childsense.com also has information about infant cries.

{"commentId":10469615,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"today-moms-expert"}

#24.1 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 11:34 AM EST

{"commentId":10467138,"authorDomain":"ezadigian"}

EZadigian

My 5 month old son goes to bed around 7pm each night and usually wakes up at least three or four times. I often nurse him around 10pm or 11pm, and then again between 4AM and 5AM. Last night we let him cry for over an hour before I nursed him at 5:30AM (we were trying to wait until 6AM but it was unbearable). My pediatrician said that he shouldn't need to eat during the night (i.e., he doesn't need the calories) but his cries are so desperate and unrelenting that we often give in. I've read many of the books and we try to soothe him but he continues to cry. He's actually a very, very easy baby during the day but we just can't quite figure out how to keep him asleep at night. Any advice?

{"commentId":10467138,"threadId":"716371","contentId":"3459954","authorDomain":"ezadigian"}

#25 - Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:08 AM EST

Jump to discussion page: 1 2 3

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