Do you snoop on your child's phone or Facebook page?

My mother "snooped" and I'd have to guess I inherited the gene. I think social pressures and media make growing up tougher than ever, especially for girls. As much as I'd like to give my children the benefit of the doubt - I'm the adult and need to look after their best interest. So, when my girls get older I expect to snoop.

When my teenagers asked for facebook and myspace, I said yes with conditions. I always have the account name and password. The knew right up front that I would be checking. They also knew that every person on their friends list had to be soeone they had previously met in person. No surprises or scares for either of us.

When we decided to allow our young teenage daughter an e-mail account and then later a facebook account it was with the understanding that we would be 'checking on her'. We felt that she needed guidance to understand courtesy and safety on the internet and she would only learn that through use and our monitoring. So far we've had to take her internet priviledges away several times because of her choices on the internet, things I wouldn't know she was doing if I wasn't checking up on her and things that I wouldn't have the opportunity to teach her about if I didn't know about them

I most definitely think it's important to keep a tab on what your kids are doing online. We trust our daughter (12) but check and make sure the websites she goes to are not only appropriate but that she has not accidentally stumbled upon something that needs to be discussed. Note, her friend went to look for sporting goods at dicks.com (not dickssportinggoods.com) a very big difference.

Also, it is important to watch who they are texting and who is texting them. It's not so much about small conversation but potential for bullying, etc.

The internet is a great source of information and also a very dangerous place. Makeing clear rules about internet use i belive is step on. As parents we need to make sure our children are safe. We can't be with them 24/7 so we have to trust that they will do the right thing. But we also need to double check that they are doing the right thing. I trust my daughter, it is every one else out there that i don't trust. She has already been im'ed with very inapproate content that got through the filters. She called out to me right away (I was only across the room, the computer in my home will stay in the living room not her bedroom) and i reported it. Also by being a friend on her facebook page (i created a page when she did) I hope that will help prevent unwanted or unapproiate comments from being posted.

I think that a mother or father who does not keep an eye on their child is doing thema great disservice. I have even heard fathers say that their children can do what ever they want until the police show up then he will protect them. If you love your child, you are not hurting them, if you snoop it is showing them that you love them and you can even explain this to them by giving examples like the young girl who hung herself because of bullying.

In todays info world..we have to be our kids Internet police and parents. I agree having their password is good but watching them while they are on the computer and looking at the history is important too. We dont allow comupters in kids room..there is a computer in the study that is used and the room door is not to be closed while on the computer. I know at school the same careful watch is administered too. And we have to talk to our kids about what and where on the web they are visiting..and what comment they make ...esp on social sites like Facebook and youTube.

My 11 year old believes that I downloaded software on my computer that monitors every text message she writes. So to help her believe it, I look through her phone when she in the shower or sleep and bring up the text messages. She has to assume I got it off the computer. As far as her FB, she uses my work computer and I told her they monitor every key stroke and gave me the software to do it also she is scared to write anything inappropriate on it. It is my right to know what she is dong until she starts paying her own cell phone and internet bills.

My husband was killed on the job leaving me to raise 4 children under the age of 6 at that time. You have to be one step ahead of your kids in order to always maintain an authoritative position and at the same time juggle everything else that life throws your way. Once your kids find a way to "work you" they'll do it until you finally catch on.

My methods were simple. No matter how busy our schedules were, dinner together every night was mandatory. Adjusting the time was the only exception. Ask a simple question and kids will give you a simple answer. "How was school?" "It was fine". That's not a conversation. Ask them "What did you learn today at school?" My oldest son would try answering "not much", in order to keep his time talking short and sweet. I'd respond with , "Wow! That's always a nice surprise! I'm sure you'll have more to share tomorrow, or I might need to call your teacher to see if "Not much" is part of her curriculm. My son would smile at me. He knew what I meant. Everyone shared their day with each other. Routine things like that are important. It also gave me a chance to spot if someone was distant, or their mood was off etc.

Because I was the only parent in the home I had to be clever and use my words effectively. If my kids wanted to go to a movie with friends, or over to a friends house, etc They knew they had to have the "5 W's" before asking me if they could go. What's going on? Who's going? Where is it? When does it start/end? Will I be your ride there or back? My kids didn't bother approaching me without having the answers. Also, a phone number of a parent or adult who will be present in case I need to reach them. When you're armed with information and ways to stay on top of things you don't need to snoop to find out what's going on. I rarely ever had to call a parent, or use my resources to confirm events. Just by my kids knowing that I was fully aware, and that I was fully capable of getting any answers I needed, was enough for them to not risk the chance of getting 'busted'.

Trust goes both ways. Privacy goes both ways. My kids knew the consequences before they broke rules. Instilling values means nothing if your kids don't learn to apply them. If you follow through EVERY TIME with consequences, and also benefits for following the rules etc, your kids will have a very clear understanding that Mom and/or Dad MEAN WHAT they say.

Grounding your kids to their room is what they hope for. Punishments like sitting together and quietly reading is enough to drive any teenager up the wall. No IPODS, or cell phone use etc. Isolation is what they want. All teenagers "just want to be left alone!!" And they'll tell ya that too! I've slept in my kids room, or they've had to grab their sleeping bag and crash on my bedroom floor in order for them to understand that my decisions are final. Kids will try to sneak out, or secretly use the phone, etc. Trying to get another sibling to help them is a given. You have to be ahead of the game, and make sure your kids realize that you've already got that area covered. My kids were famous for trying to "discuss" aka argue their case with me, long after the incident happened. When you lay down the law, so to speak, it's no longer open for discussion. It becomes a lecture. YOU talk, they listen. Your words have to be more than just "noise".

If my kids want to be trusted, and have privacy respected, they have to show me they mean it NOT just tell me. Talk is cheap, and we all say things that we know we might not be able to live up too. I was no saint as a teenager. I moved out when I turned 17. I had a job, and thought I knew everything it takes to live in the big world. My mistakes back then would be my childrens saving grace.

You break the rules, you buy the consequences. You follow the rules and you reap the benefits. If you lie to me, I will go through everything you own to get to the truth. If you want me to respect your privacy, dont give me reasons not too. I've seen a zillion notes that my kids wrote to friends, back and forth. Typical kid notes. Cussing, and trying to sound "cool"
etc in some of them. One my oldest son and his friend wrote talked about trying to smoke a cigarette. Having information like that was enough for me to keep my eye on things, watch for warning signs, and also for evidence if I needed to address the matter. My son hated the cigarette (thankfully) and that was the end of that. If I would have confronted him, and accused him of smoking, and showing him the note I read, it instantly changes the trust/privacy they've been building.

Family computer in the livingroom. Period. Kids are so tech savvy. A cell phone serves a purpose and gives a parent a way to reach their kid. BUT, a phone that sufs the web without any parental control over what goes out or comes into that phone is dangerous. If they want a high tech cell phone then it's a great goal for that new summer job they'll need in order to afford it. Including the monthly bill for service on the phone. I taught myself how to build (literally) my desktop computer. I taught myself how to use the software, how to do everything on the computer. My kids knew that at any given time I could access every click they make on the computer. I set up everyone's user account. They picked their own password. They could delete anything they wanted while online etc. They just didn't know that it wasn't permanently deleted. Only my sign in name had authority to change the computer, the software, and the security features. Having a way to check, or look for information is crucial. But violating their privacy, and trust for no other reason than to be nosy serves no purpose. Like I said earlier, instilling values on means something if your kids apply what they've learned.

Warning signs in behavior, change of friends, attitude, and disregarding the house rules over and over are RED FLAGS. Allowing one kid to break the same rules that the other siblings follow, turns over your authority to the rule breaker. If you have no intention on following through with the consequences for breaking your family rules, then dont bother preaching them to the kids. We all know that lady in the neighborhood that screams at her kids to "knock it off, or else!" The kid doesn't stop and the mom doesn't do anything. The kid couldn't care less what she's saying. Heed the warnings and take appropriate action based on your kid.