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I've been laid off since Nov 2007 and I have had no problem. We have 5 children ages 4-14. Job hunting, cleaning house, cooking dinner, etc
A "stay at home parent" is harder than any job out there - and though it doesn't pay as well (actually not at all) - is the most rewarding.
What a wuss...whether male or female, you do what is necessary for children. Most parents desire all the time in the world with their kids
It is not about him or her it is about the children and what is best for them, and the parent that cant see that isnt a parent at all!
Staying home with your children is a PRIVILEGE, whether you are a man or a woman. Guess "enjoying it" depends on HOW MUCH you VALUE your children. Just saying...........
#1 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 10:08 AM ESTReally? And how many people do you know that have twins and quads and just LOVE staying home with them 24/7 without any help or relief? I absolutely LOVED my children but I needed a break from them every once and a while. I see wonderful parents that have trouble raising twins...I can't imagine what it's like raising twins and quads!! It's easy to judge when you aren't walking in someone else shoes!!
What ever you have, their yours to take care of. Its not like he hasn't had a nanny,babysitter, and crew to help him out. He just wants to be a kid and play.
Yes, it's a privilege if you can afford to stay at home. We have a 3 yr old boy and 17 month old twin girls (big shock). I VALUE my kids and I enjoy it, but it is hard. It can get stressful at times. I worked part time to work around my husbands schedule and now I'm going back full time. It's really only my husband and I so we really don't get any breaks or even really spend quality time together. We know it will eventually get easier and I wouldn't trade my life for anything.
Really? And how many people do you know that have twins and quads and just LOVE staying home with them 24/7 without any help or relief?
Ok, first, show me ONE time she was home with them 24/7 without help or relief? She HASN'T!!
Kate Gosselin had wonderful twins and yet that just wasn't enough for her and had to have fertility drugs, which we all know can produce multiples, and ended up with 6 more. HER CHOICE!!
Any parent gets stressed....I understand that. As a stay-at-hom Mom, I enjoy the time I can get away. But if I had nannies and help and millions of dollars, I really wouldn't be on tv whinning like her!!
It has been said that they had nannies helping them so they could have a break from the kids. As a single mom I love my daughter to no end, but there are times I need a break and it is good for noth of us. I don't date (because I don't want to) I sometimes ask my mom to watch her at times when I need an hour or two of me time. Other then that I am with her everyday and night and we do things together at home and away from home. I'm a school bus driver. Even if I was rich I would be with my daughter everyday and every night. She spoils me LOL!
Men are not "wired" to multi-task and quite frankly most men seem to think that hands on parenting is "beneath" them......but they are real quick to grab the glory when their children receive accolades.
Exactly right "enjoying it" depends on how much you value your children and NOT just view them a "women's work" or "another chore".
I agree with Lynn 1446516. If you enjoy your children then being home with them will be easier. I have my children help with things around the house that is appropriate for their age. We all have fun and the house is clean every day and food on the table by the time Mom gets home. I job hunt, clean house, do laundry, dishes, vacuum, cook, and help with homework everyday. The only stress is looking for a job.
#3 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 10:38 AM ESTIt is harder for Kate because she doesn't like her kids now that she can't plop them in a crib or behind a gate.
#4 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 10:44 AM ESTHey Denise. sounds like it's time for you to see a therapist to find out why you are projecting your thoughts & feelings onto Kate.
DiegoKate - that's not very nice. Denise is just sharing her opinion and I happen to think that she might be making a valid observation.
Jon violates a court order & steals the money needed & earmarked to pay the bills. He's bashing her & blaming her for the problems in their marriage, as though he had nothing to do with the creation of their relationship. He told the rabbi that he expected Kate to handle all the daily chores. How does this add up to the idea that Kate doesn't like her kids? There is no logical connection. The very idea that Kate just wanted to plop her kids in a crib or behind a gate & that she would not like them as they grew up is not an idea that either Kate or Jon have expressed at any point in any interviews or on the show. So, Denise's statement is not an "observation" because it is not supported by the actual facts.
DiegoKate - chill out, woman! You are way too wrapped up in these people's lives. This woman made a comment based on her observations and you're telling her to go to a therapist?! Who's the one that's getting carried away and sounding a little obsessed here?
Go Lynn. It's all about attitude. I work with plenty of men who have stay-at-home wives where they are all happy, and a number of women with stay-at-home husbands, who are just as happy as vice-versa. Women's rights is all about the right to make the choice to work or stay home on your own. I think we need to remember that men are (or, should be) allowed to make the same choice without reprisal.
#5 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 10:44 AM ESTRight on about the attitude. Let's see, he was fine with the monies coming in from Kate doing all she did. And, he loves the children so...where is the problem? He is just using something else as an excuse for his behavior. Staying home with the children, the diapers, the doctors, etc. are just another smoke screen for his immaturity.
#6 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 11:08 AM ESTSeriously ... Jon needs to grow up ... just because Kate has people's sympathy with her, Jon is trying to say things to get sympathy. Harmful to the children? its not the show but what Jon did is harmful to the kids ... if he had any idea of what is good for the kids, he wouldnt have walked out on them ... Jon should just get out of their lives and the media.
#7 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 11:35 AM ESTKate does NOT have everyone's sympathies with her. It takes two to make a marriage. She was a shrew that nagged and bullied him and drove him out of the house. I am a woman and I watched the show ONE TIME and wondered why in the world he would allow that termagant to berate him like that on public TV. Typical spineless male. She deserves everything she gets. Wah, wah, wah.
I have to agree with "someone actually literate". I watched about 10 minutes of 1 show ever and couldn't watch any more. She yelled at him the entire time. I can't understand why anyone would want to live with that. I think Kate's just angry that he wouldn't put up with it anymore. I'm actually surprised they didn't get divorced years ago if that's how she treats him.
". . . you expect your wife to do." Give me a break!
#8 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 11:57 AM ESTThere are pleny of men of who stay home with their children full time while the wife works every day. He makes it sound like Kate was gone for 2 years. She was only away a few days a week and only during a few months of the year at that. She was there more than 75% of the time all day. Jon had the best of both worlds. The opportunity to be with his kids daily, his wife doing the work necessary to provide an income for the family as well as being there with the kids AND him most of the time. By the time Kate started her book signing tours, all of the kids were out of diapers. How many diapers did Kate change before Jon quit his job to stay home? And how many doctor appointments did she take the kids too? Basicially, Jon wanted to go out and party, play and fritter away the income that Kate was working hard to provide ALL of them with and secure their future financial needs. How many women leave the house to go hang out at the local pub every night when their husbands come home from work?? Certainly no one would think that is acceptable behavior for a woman to do. Jon has an immature attitude towards raising a family and what it takes to raise a family. It is a shame that he has now destroyed his family and the income needed to provide for them with his actions.
#9 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 12:13 PM ESTActually it depends on the man. a guy not secure in his man hood might have a little truble with his wife making the money but if he focuses on the reality that the kids are the important one then it won't matter.
I was the at home dad for many years and still carry the roll as primary care taker of my two children (now teens) but it was a matter of who carried the better insurance and my wife constantly did. We had sick kids and they needed the coverage that we had through her working. I worked from home or did side jobs as a computer technician.
Society looked strangely at us at first until they understood that my wife worked because she had the insurance that the kids needed. once they got past that most were understanding and supportive.
now 10 years removed from that more and more you hear about fathers stayig home with the kids. a role reversal but some times needed.
#10 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 12:25 PM ESTYes, as I stated in my brief comment when I voted, we have not evolved enough to see the value of staying home with the kids. We are especially bad at sending mixed messages to men on this issue. If a man stays home, he gets judged for not have a "real job." If he goes to work, he gets slammed for not spending enough time with the kids or for not being home. Unfortunately, we women are the worst at this. We want it both ways but we need to bring our expectations more into balance and quit making a man feel bad no matter what he decides.
#11 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 12:40 PM ESTRight on, Liz!
Well, God did intend for the woman to take care of the family daily needs. Modern society is just into everything being fair. Most people just look to what the others should be doing and not at how they themselves can do things better. However, when it comes down to it, there is no magic answer or formula. Each couple/family has to find what works best for them.
#12 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 12:49 PM ESTWhere did you get that idea? family daily needs include having enough income to support the children. family daily needs include house maintenance, car maintenance, etc. If it is the woman's godly responsibility to take care of the family daily needs, what godly responsibility is left for the man?
Men, by design, need to provide for their family. Working is how they do that. Jon always seemed like he enjoyed the kids and he spent quality time with them. Kate is the head case and psycho. Most of the men I know wouldn't have put up with her beat downs and criticisms for one minute let alone 10 years. SHe's a man eater, a master of emasculation, and now suddenly she's a shrinking violet who can only cry about how hard this is for her. Please. Jon is better off without her. She doesn't care about the kids, she cares about the dollar signs.
#13 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 12:54 PM ESTA real man can only be emasculated if he agrees to it. Jon agreed to the type of relationship he was in.
I agree. Jon entered the marriage as an irresponsible child with dreams of having another 'mommy' to take care of him. He married a nurse because she would know what to do when he got sick or injured- he was looking for nurturing- not a partner. He did not want equality in his marriage. He expected her to take responsibility for everything- he said it himself.
Kate is not a head case & not a psycho. She married a baby rather than a man. They did not take the time to know themselves & each other well enough to honestly admit that bringing more kids into their marriage would be a disaster. They needed counseling early on.
Before people enter into a marriage, they need to discuss all these issues up front and they need to agree on how they will handle them as a couple. If they don't, both parties assume how it is going to be and become frustrated and angry when it doesn't go the way they had imagined it. But, no couple expects to have twins and quads! How do you prepare for that or for being on t.v. 24/7? They are both very young to be thrown into the reality t.v. and celebrity arena that just chews people up and spits them out. It clearly has hurt their marriage and to have your wife berate and belittle you like that is bad enough let alone in front of an audience of millions. That is an instant recipe for disaster. They both need to get OFF the t.v. and go for some serious marriage counseling.
Geez! Can't believe you think that. John is a stump, who sits around complaining. He didn't want to work outside the home. He wanted more time at home with the kids. As it was he was only spending a few days a week at an outside job, by his own admission. He didn't like that and changed jobs so he could work at home. Didn't like that either. What does John like?? Young girls, drinking,fame,spending money on his toys,brow beating his wife, camera time,getting sympathy, and being a baby throwing tantrums in public. His body language says he's a liar, over and over.
The kids have been out of diapers since they were three! He hasn't had to do more than anyone else would for their family.
Cathy your absolutely right, i would not put up with that woman in any way shape or form, alot of woman on here disagree with you simply because they wish they could have the same type of relationship where they control everything their husband says and does, even to the point of him getting a weekly"allowance" . that was never a relationship that children should have been brought into to begin with and i agree wholeheartedly that kate is nothing more then a money hungry maneater...the kids sell the show and they are being taken advantage of by their own mother, all in the name of the almighty dollar. jon may well be immature but she has just as much blame in this situation and in my opinion even more then he. the show should be cancelled before anymore harm comes to the children and i think they could both benefit from long therapy sessions
Absolutely BS! So the conception, giving birth and breastfeeding of children are gender-specific. Beyond that the responsibilities of RAISING children are not gender specific whatsoever!
#14 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 12:56 PM ESTMen make just as good parents as women. I was a single parent for 17 years raising two daughters. It wasn't always fun, but it was the most important job I ever had. So to those women who think a man can not cook, sew, clean or help dry the tears of a child, you know NOTHING! I will admit puberty was a bit of a stumper, but then I was lucky to have a sister who guided me through this.
#15 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 1:00 PM ESTTo chemist09h2: I commend you for all you do and have done for your girls, not many men would have done better. Thank heavens for your sister to help you with the puberty issues. Thank goodness there are fathers out there like you who gladly and lovingly took on the responsibilities you did and succeeding at it as well. But in watching the show the couple of times I could stomach it (I hated the way Kate always berated Jon in public all the time). But then Jon emptied out the bank accounts. Where did he think she was going to get the funds she needed to run the family after that. I think the first thing they did wrong was to go public in the first place (just my opinion). Bless you for you strength in all you did for your girls. ~~Suzy~~
Yes, it is harder for a man. He has to do the same things, but also has to deal with added societial pressures.
My husband stayed at home with the kids while they were toddlers. Here in the Bible belt, the average person he meets on the streets assumes he is a less than worthy man if he is not financially supporting the family. It is very hard to be the only man at the playground. The other "mothers" wonder why he is not at work.
This added mental strain makes it harder for a man, b/c he is regularly told (directly & indirectly) that he is NOT doing the right thing. A mother staying home with her kids does not have to deal with that negitivity.
#16 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 1:03 PM ESTWhile I agree with the majority of your statement, I will add that the negative connotation of being a stay at home dad also applies to mothers. As a "mommy tracked" professional, I was simply amazed at the open hostility of working mothers by my choice to stay home with my kids. I have been told that I am not a "good role model" to my daughter, that I "coddle my children by being home" and am "not preparing them for life as it is now". I have also been asked point blank how I have any identity without furthering my career, and how do I stand staying home "doing nothing".
These same moms wonder why their kids are attention seeking, out of control children. I'm all for moms and dads making whatever choice works for their families, but for Pete's sake, someone needs to be raising the kids! Bravo to all those dads that do it proudly!
It is harder for a man to stay home because they don't have the patience that women do and because I think of the stigma that a man works and a woman stays home. Wouldn't it be great to go back to the 50's where we as moms can stay home and dad pays all of the bills on a 9-5 job??? No such thing anymore. Women will tell you they like to work but if they had the chance to stay home and shop and take care of the kids while their husband works, they would admit yes. What woman would not want to shop 24/7 in exchange staying home with the kids. Besides, I love my kids and I missed out on their first years of life because I was working all the time. I look at my kids now and wished that I could have been home with them for the first 10 years of their life and work that last 8 but it didn't work out that way.
Moms definitly would love to raise their own kids instead of a sitter or hubby because they are near and dear to our hearts.
#17 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 1:05 PM ESTI would not like to go back to the 50's. Once a woman was married and had kids, that was it. The rest of her life was spent serving them. Being expected to greet hubby at the door in full make-up with a smile and a drink and dinner on the table? No thanks.
I did stay home with both of my kids for the first two years of their lives. It is not 24/7 shopping. In fact, we made quite a financial sacrifice for me to stay home. Shopping didn't happen. It was all cleaning, cooking, and nurturing. Very important, yes. Was it for me? No. I love being at work. I need the adult interaction and the feeling of accomplishing something every day. I didn't get that at home. Everything I did throughout the day was undone by the end of the day only for me to start over the next day while I stayed at home.
Now my husband stays at home while I work. It suits both of us much better. He loves it. The children are every bit as near and dear to his heart as they are to mine. I don't see how you can claim that one parent is not suited to be the daily influence. If that is the case, you chose the wrong person to reproduce with.
People, like it or not people, especially women, see men that stay home as weak or somehow lazy and unambitious. A man is not allowed to want to stay home and raise the children even if he is the better parent because society still shuns that approach. Then there are the neighbors, friends, etc., that point fingers and say things that berate the man for even wanting to stay home and be Mr. Mom. In many cases, the man is better at raising the children than the woman because of the past 30 to 40 years of feminism and role reversals that permeate society today. Women these days are not the "leave it to Beaver" women of the years past, they want more and deserve it too if that is what they want. Who is really to say who should be the bread winner and who should raise the kids? It is up to the couple to decide and they know better than anyone outside of the relationship, but society still judges for a variety of reasons. If we could just accept that the better person for the job, no matter what that is, should be the one to do it, regardless of gender....
#18 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 1:10 PM ESTI should have just waited for your post. You said it better than I could!!
Jon is always sticking his foot in his mouth. He can't even apologize without blaming someone else for why he is a sad excuse for a dad and husband? He needed to listen to Donny Osmond and put his wife and family's needs first. But, no, he just rolled his eyes in his childish, sarcastic way. Instead of learning how to cook, he chose to stand on the sidelines, letting others do all the work, then complain that he didn't like the results. Caring for the children? It's a woman's job. What in the heck would Jon have done if , god forbid, Kate had not survived childbirth? Grow up.
#19 - Mon Nov 2, 2009 1:10 PM ESTI agree. Telling the Rabbi that he is sorry for how he emotionally hurt Kate, in itself, is not an apology to Kate. But then he had to justify his immaturity by blaming her for not meeting his expectations. For all intents and purposes Jon never apologized. I wonder of he understands that.
To DiegoKate: Bless you for finally being the first to say that. Did Jon really think that apologizing to the Rabbi for his actions was also alopogizing to Kate. For that matter (and I ask because I stopped keeping up with the Jon & Kate +8 rubbish) has Kate ever apologized personally to Jon for all the public berating she did on live TV? I was only able to stomach a couple of the shows because I could not stand what being a public family was doing to the children. Even their eldest daughter kept telling the camaras to go away. Tonight we get to watch Kate's very public interview and someday we will get to watch and interview from the +8 side of the equation. Won't that be interesting.
Melissa, I didn't know that men lacked patience. Thank you for explaining that. I thought I had patience. My daughters might disagree with you. I understand loving your children, as love mine.
Oh just for the record I did work while raising them.
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Because men just can't handle it. They assume it's "women's work" and want nothing to do with it... heck, even when you're still married!