Should she have let her son meet his dying dad?

I know a woman who moved back in with her ex while he was dying of cancer so that his children could be with him.

This woman has incredible strength because the ex's family did everything possible to keep her out.

She even put a relationship on hold for the ex's dying wish.

THAT IS BECAUSE SHE KNOWS THE BEST INTEREST OF HER CHILDREN.

This sounds like it was a lot more about the woman than the children.

agree with your orantx50.

She did a human, decent thing and people are acting like she's the second-coming of Christ.

Anything other than letting the child's OWN father to see his OWN son would be evil.

Okay, we established she's not evil...great! She is the one who moved away and took her son with her -- separating father from son -- how sad to begin with.

She should have stayed in TX FOR THE CHILD -- she obviously moved to NY for HERSELF.

Must have been feeling pretty guilty about that. I'm glad the child got was was rightfully his - time with his OWN FATHER.

I think it was more about the selfish father than the woman or child. However, I'm glad she rose above her self-serving ex in order to help her son have a short but everlasting memory of his biological father. The little guy will move on - kids are very resilient, and hopefully there will be other men in his mother's life who will become a "father" to him.

just remember, you are only hearing "one" side of the story. we don't know how much of this is true -- it usually takes two to tango and two in a divorce rarely agree on who said what or wanted what.

let's remember -- SHE is the one who put her own needs first and moved away - despite the fact it would further separate a son from his OWN father. Too many women do this and it's NOT right. We don't know the father's side....because he's gone.

Interesting she waiting until he was gone to let us all know how "wonderful" she is.

Hmmmmm.....glad the son got to be with his father. that's all i have to say on that.

The father was the one who CHOSE not to have a relationship with his child and this mother gets comments like this one...that is so ridiculous. He should have stayed around to pursue a relationship with his child and not divorced the "family" when it became inconvenient for him. She showed absolute compassion for the ex and total love for her child by putting their needs above her own. She is a better person than I am...I would have not reacted as positively as she did...That child is blessed to have a mother like that. She raised him...apparently alone and the father is going to wait until the boy was older to pursue a relationship...so who is selfish in this story?

Several of you aren't taking into account how many jobs are available to a Ph.D. She found herself a single mother, probably no child support was coming in. If she was at one university but didn't get tenure because she didn't publish enough (possibly because she was pregnant, having a child, going through a divorce), she would then have to find another position. And if she's a professor of literature, it's not like there is a lot of call for industry positions in that field. She may have wanted to stay in Texas, but couldn't do that and support her child. We don't know the full story. Her moving to NY may not have been selfish at all, it may have been her only option. I know that when I was finishing my Ph.D (thankfully not in the English field), there were 156 English Ph.D.s for every ONE position. If no Texas schools were hiring, she couldn't stay. She may have been lucky to find a position anywhere to support her child.

I'm sorry you think this, but it seemed more like he regretted his choice not to be a part of his son's life. I think that this confrontation with his own mortality made him realize how foolish he'd been and how much he truly did want to be a part of his son's life. It's clear that he was able to bring love into his son's life, and his son can now remember him as the man who loved him instead of the man who didn't want him.

For those naysayers who would have had the mother refuse to allow her son this precious time with his father: Forgiveness and addressing ones missteps is what life is all about...it sometimes takes a hugely shattering event to bring us to the awareness that we have made unwise decisions...embracing the opportunity to revise our previous lapses in judgment is a cleansing and joyous event for all involved...living with bitterness, picking at the scab of emotional scars, and wallowing in vengeful behaviors creates an unhealthy internal environment...that in turn literally will make one ill...both in spirit and body. I hope you will choose some serious contemplation about your own overall welfare and try to reach a more harmonious way of dealing with these kinds of events...you are worth it.

I think it great that the mother considered what was best for her son. I think she came to the right decision and that her son would have felt cheated if he hadn't been able to spend time with his dying father.

I have to agree with you, this man was only a sperm donor not a father, why would you want to act like a father on your death bed? I know this is a cruel act, but he was cruel when he walked out on a pregnant wife and unborn child, even if he hated the woman for unseen reasons, he could have been a part of his son's life, or supported him. That is a large part of our country's problem "DEAD BEATS" and the taxpayers flip the bill.......

Where does it say that he didn't pay child support? That he was a "deadbeat"? He was involved until the mom moved away. Moms are more likely to not pay child support if and when they are ordered to do so, (which is very rare). And the taxpayers flip the bill...

MissAZ you are absolutely right. As the wife of a father of 3 boys, which we have full custody of, I can attest to this fact. They have a "deadbeat mom". She would not pay child support if it was not automatically taken from her pay. She has taken us back to court at every opportunity to have her support payments deviated. She (and the court systems) believe that a new car payment is more important than supporting your children. This woman paid a mere 200 a month for THREE children and made plenty of money. She has not seen her children in over 6 years and they no longer acknowledge her as thier mother. They have all asked me to adopt them since I'm the "mom" that has been there for them and taken care of them. The adoption of the 2 oldest was granted the week of Christmas..they were both over 18, so it was a fairly easy process. The youngest will be tougher. Altho bio mom wants nothing to do with them and doesn't want to pay for them, she won't sign off on her rights for this adoption. However, she would be willing to 'sell' him for the amount of her child support arrears. I can certainly come up with more names for her than just deadbeat, that's for sure.

I realize this story has nothing to do with the one at hand, in which I think the mother made an incredibly hard, yet right, decision. But since the subject was brought up, which it RARELY is, regarding the deadbeat mothers, I felt the need to share this story.

To Judah's mom...Kudos to you. Thank God there are still people out there willing to think of the children first and not let personal feelings get in the way. I lost my dad when I was 16 and it has been hard for me. I'm over 40 now and miss him every day. Although the memories I have are not as strong as they once were, I'm SO thankful that I have them. And Judah will be too. :o) It sure beats the memories that "MY" boys will have of thier bio mom for the rest of thier lives.

true story, although you may have had a deadbeat wife (not inplying you did), do you not think it fair to consider that there are other mothers who do not get to see there childeren. and are filed upon unjustly. or even the fact that there may be a few mother's that pay child support for childeren that they decided to neglect in they're youth. I as a mother feel that you should not judge all women by one women's mistakes.

And of course I feel that the mother of judah did the right thing.

You don't know what you're talking about. My mother and step-father didn't tell me I was adopted until I was 18 years old. Meanwhile my father had died and I never had the chance to know him. I'm 69 years old and still resent the fact that he was taken away from me. I was told that my father was a bad man, but he was still my father and it was up to me, and me alone, to decide whether he was undesirable or not. Even today, after all these years, I cry for him. I miss him so very much, yet I never knew him. Someday Judah will thank his mother for allowing him to get to know his father albeit was a short time. This is something I will never have.

Not everything comes down to money. In the end the father came to terms with a bad mistake, a son got to meet and LOVE a dad and therefore DID erase the pain of being abandoned. People make mistakes - the attitude you have would only have festered anger for the rest of all their lives- forgiveness is about letting go of that and making your own life better not telling him he wasn't wrong. He came back because he knew he was wrong. She got past her anger, he came to see what an amazing kid he had, and a child got to have a relationship to hold onto instead of questions and feelings that would go forever unresolved. She did the right thing for all 3 of them. And yes there was pain with death, but death is unavoidable in life - and the life lived right is was makes it all worth while.

This wasn't about her and her ex-husband but about the relationship between her son and her sons father. You are right in that he did deserve a better father but in the end that is what he got. Unfortunatly it took a terminal illness to bring that out in the selfish man.

Judah's mother made a decision that will help Judah not to feel abandoned; I am sure she did not go into a rendition of the fathers' previous behavior, and Judah will have a memory of his father; that does not equal abandonment.

Why is it so many pass judgment only knowing half a story. You call the father a creep not knowing any circumstances or hearing his side of things.

My parents were divorced when I was 2 and of course my father was always the bad guy (which was an outright lie). Now that I am an adult and see how my mother behaves, I would have done the same thing in his shoes.

He died when I was 15. There was a period of time where I did not get to see him, but that was my mothers doing and when I was older and wanted to see my father he had to take her to court in order for that to happen. My father worked hard owning his own business, rarely drank, never did drugs (as far as I knew), and loved me and my sister very much. Between both parents, he was the only one taking us on trips or buying clothes for school. Perhaps the same situation was in effect? Perhaps the father had plans to see his son before getting sick. You don't have enough information from this story to ascertain that.

Don't underestimate a woman's ability to alienate people against their ex. I'm not saying that this is the case but I am saying you have to take that into consideration when reading this story. The wife makes it a point to shine a light on the circumstances behind their breakup and makes mention that "overnight" he changed and that she has absolutely no accountability for the breakup. To me, that's a flag.

That being said, this has nothing to do with the marriage. Not allowing closure to a child will only turn the child against you later. She did the right thing.

This is the world our children will live in. It's important to teach them how to deal with these things later in life.

I feel that the man was not a bad man at all, in the end he did the right thing, the mother did the right thing as well. Why such negativity about a relationship we no nothing about. In this story love won out in the end. Both parents made the correct choice. The child now knows his father cared about him enough to share his last days with him, one day when that child is grown up, he will know his father loved him, had the mother denied this request, she would not have been apart of a wonderful growth experience. Instead there would have been an empty pain in the boy that she would not have been able to explain without seeming like a vindictive spiteful paerson. Divorce and seperation for a child is a painful thing. I always said it is the first time they think of love as a temporary thing.

BettyR - there is a reason why you fall in the 7% category. Pretty much no one agrees with you.

I can't believe that you would say that. She did a selfless thing and let him meet him and get specail memories with his father. I comend her I think she did a wonderful thing and hwe son will thank her.

This was a wonderful act by this mother. She did a very selfless thing and thought of her son first before any hurtful feelings she may have had. The worst thing you can do to a child is deprive them from having a father, even a dying one. They will forever have psychological and emotional problems from this deprivation.

On another note, what about mothers who lie to a father and don't tell them for 14 years that this child is not biologically his ... Does forgiveness apply here as well. What about when this father has raised this child mostly on his own while she has been gone partying and going from one man to another... Should this mother have any rights to this child or should she be allowed to take this child after 14 years and say sorry she is not really yours.... What protects men from women like this and who protects this child from this mother.... someone please tell me because I am living this situation right now...

You need to read the story/watch the interview again. I think you're confused.

She wasn't holding back from letting her son meet his father because she had been wronged by this man. She was trying to decide what was best for her son (and good for her for weighing the options instead of making the decision right then and there. It shows she cares about her child and wants what's best for him). He was young, had no idea what death was, never met his father, and it would probably have been easy for him (and her) to have never met this man. On the other hand, years from now, knowing that you kept your son from meeting his father while he was still alive is quite the burden to carry. She absolutely did the right thing by letting her son meet this man.

I think she is the complete opposite of selfish.

@Bean-1137241

I think that you are the one that is confused. Had they still been married would she have labored over the same decision? I would hope not.

She was certainly factoring in that the father was "estranged" and much of your argument is based on suppositions taken from the article.

There isn't enough information for you to make the case you are making. I was always taught by my father (who was supposed to be estranged but later found out mom was keeping him out) that there are always two sides to a story.

And you still seem angry over the fact that your mother was keeping your father out. I think that this mother had spent Judah's entire life protecting him from the world around him and then to have the one person who she knew could hurt Judah (again) come back and asked for time with him must have been hard. Like I said before, she is a much bigger person than I could have been. The father walked out of his own free will and she becomes the bad guy when she leaves her home to pursue a career that will benefit both her and Judah. All I can say is, I hope that none of you naysayers are sitting on the judgement throne when I die...I will never get to heaven to see my loved ones again.

As far as I'm concerned, it's your ex-husband's loss if he doesn't choose to be a father to your son. I just hope that when your son gets old enough to ask about his father, you will have the same grace this woman did, and just tell your son how his father behaved, without going on the attack against him.