Ladies: Are we our own worst enemies?

WHY DON'T WE DISCUSS MOMS WHO LOST THIER CHILDREN TO ABUSIVE FATHERS?

MY SON BRADLY HAS BEEN MISSING FOR OVER 10 YEARS. HE WAS TAKEN BY HIS ABUSIVE FATHER ON DECEMBER 18, 1998

MY NAME IS LISA AND THIS IS OUR STORY.

“LIVING IN FEAR”

November 15, 1986 I got married to a wonderful loving man. Also that was the same day my life would end. We lived with his mother while we were going to high school. My husband graduated in 1987 and he went out and got a job. We went and found our own apartment. When I was pregnant with our first son Michael, we got into a fight and he kicked me in the stomach. Of course stupid I stayed with him. September 4, 1987 I gave birth to Michael. 1 month and 12 days later I lost Michael to SIDS. (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) We had to attend SIDS meetings so we wouldn’t blame each other for Michael’s death. Few months later my husband decided to join the Army. When he was done with basic training and AIT he was sent to Ft. Hood, Texas for 1 year. Within that year he sent for me and at that time I was pregnant with my second son Bradly. On September 6, 1988 I finally got to meet my angle Bradly. When Bradly and I came home from the Army hospital my husband looked at me and said “you are going to take care of this f#%@in Bastard, not me” I said “that’s fine with me” This is when all the extreme physical abuse started. He reenlisted for 5 years for Germany. I was so excited and I asked when are we leaving and he said, “You and Bradly are not going, both of you are going home” (Washington State) I felt unwanted! He left me all alone in Texas with our baby and an unpacked apartment. Army soldiers are supposed to make sure their families are packed and sent home before leaving. Not my husband. The platoon he belonged to before he left for Germany had to help me pack all our stuff so I can get home to Washington State. When all the packing was done I had some garbage to dump, so I picked up Bradly and the garbage and went down stairs and dumped it, we came back and my $500.00 was stolen. The Platoon Sergeant paid for our plane tickets home. 6 months later my husband got lonely and wanted us to pack and get on a plane to Germany. I told him NO! Few months later my husband took two weeks leave and came home. I asked for a divorce and he flipped. He tried to commit suicide in front of us. Stupid I fell for it. He wanted to take me out. I called my babysitter. We went to the local mall and I decided to tell him I still want a divorce. He dragged me by the hood of my coat to the truck in the parking lot, and he used my hood of my coat and choked me with it. While he was choking me in the truck he was saying “I will kill us both so none of us can have Bradly” He had plans to drive the truck off a cliff. I got away and called the police and I made it to my apartment so I can hold and hide my son and me from this evil man. I told the babysitter what happened and so I ran to the bedroom to hide. He showed up and kicked the door down and assaulted my babysitter and ran. The Police finally caught him and he was arrested for Domestic Violence and assault. He spent only one night in jail and that next day he left for Germany. Soon after arriving in Germany he tried to commit suicide again by using a dull knife to his wrists. He told me why he did it. He wanted to get out of the 5 yrs in Germany but he wanted an honorable discharge, also to get to me. Again I stayed.

From 1986 this man has choked me off the floor many times, punched my son in the face, called him stupid, fag, pulled my son down the stairs by his hair, brought him home with scarlet fever because he took him out in the woods without a coat in the dead of winter, Bradly would come home beat to death but nobody would help us, He would stand by my side of the bed at night and watch me sleep with this evil look on his face. I still can’t sleep at night without my blankets or a pillow hiding my face, he cut me up with a 10” survival knife, (he told me that he will kill me if I told the Doctor that he did it), he put me through booby traps in the woods, (him and his friend set up a trip wire and dug up a pit and put stakes inside. My husband came home and said come with me I want to show you something. He took me to the woods and told me to stand here at the end of the trail. He took off and said come on through. I didn’t know what was going on. I tripped over the wire and a log came down and I fell into the pit full of stakes) I had massive restraining orders on him. He tried the suicide thing again and he ended up in the hospital for 3 days for suicide watch.

I finally got my divorce and full custody on October 1996. During the divorce he was ordered to pay the house payments until the divorce is final. He quit his job. I got custody because he told the Judge he didn’t want him. The house foreclosed on February 19, 1997. I was forced to move out of State. I had some friends down in Limon, Colorado. I moved to Loveland, Colorado to start our new lives. December 18, 1998 was the last day I will ever see my son again. The Sheriff Dept. called me at work telling me my ex husband is here to pick his son up and I have the court papers that states he has custody. I said “what, where is my son?” He said, “Here in my office” I told him “I’m on my way” and he said, “By the time you get hear he will be on his way to DIA!” (Denver International Airport) I asked him “can I talk to my son?” He said sure.” My son got on the phone crying saying “I’m sorry mommy” and I said, “It’s not your fault” I told him “I love you and I will get you back.” That was the last time I ever saw him and heard his voice for over 10 years. The State of Colorado still today will not give me the court papers. I finally got the court papers out of Washington State on July 2, 2001. I found out on July 2, 2001 that our ex abuser got custody behind our back on September 17, 1997. I don’t know if my son is dead or alive!

WEBSITES THAT TELLS YOU MORE ABOUT US GOOD NONCUSTODIAL MOMMIES:

SEARCH ENGINE: Noncustodial moms breaking the silence

www.smalljustice.com

www.childhoodwithoutfear.org

THERE IS SO MANY MORE

To who it may concern:

WOW, what a heart felt and heart wrenching story! I have never responded to any of these stories before as I don’t trust the internet, but I can’t ignore this story!! God Bless the mother and her son for what they are going through. I feel she did the right thing personally; but that is from a male point of view. I was in a similar situation as the boy’s father. I was diagnosed with cancer when I was six weeks from my 21^st birthday. At first the doctors had high hope and said with some chemotherapy I would be fine. Then we did a full body cat scan and the found my abdomen had twenty seven tumors. Anything from the size of a pencil eraser to the size of a grapefruit. The doctors told my family and I that I should get my affairs in order. They had originally given me a 90% chance of recovery, to a less then 10% chance of recovery. Needless to say through struggle and falling very ill I found out half way through treatment that I had a daughter that was four years old. I knew during treatment I had to stay strong for my family as they watched me go through it; now I had a new reason to survive! About 6 months went by and I made contact with the mother. She let me talk to my daughter for the first time and I could not hold back my emotions. Three weeks later I was on the road to meet my daughter. I explained to her mother that I had cancer and we were not sure of my future yet. She said she wanted our daughter to have a chance at least to know her father. It was the greatest gift anyone has every given me. I know it was hard for her to make that decision, but I am very thankfull! May god watch of the mother and her son and fill their lives with happiness!!!!

Shane