By Laura T. Coffey, TODAYshow.com contributor

Work-life balance? With kids?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

If you work outside the home and you’re anything like me, you too may have fleeting thoughts of “Ha!” and “Oh brother!” and “What-EVER!” whenever you see reassuring articles about attaining work-life balance as a parent. I say that, and I’ve even written an article or two like that myself. (Although, in my defense, I did try to make those articles uber-practical ... but still!)

The longer I try my hand at this whole parenting gig, the more clearly I see that any illusion of control I have is just that: An illusion. It may be possible to wrest a few things under control some of the time with some hard-core planning and scheduling, but for the most part it’s just a matter of taming chaos on a day-to-day, take-it-as-it-comes basis.

My best friend Dawn Browne -- a mom who has two fabulous kids and a high-pressure job -- summed it up perfectly, I think:

“There is no such thing as balance with children -- only days with blood and/or tears, and days without (including your own),” she said. “Conservatively plan for no bloodless or tearless days for the first five years.”

Here’s another one of my favorite gems from Dawn:

“There’s a fine line between ‘working better under pressure’ and mental illness.”

Indeed!

Bearing all that in mind, here is a list of 10 things no one bothered to tell you about work-life balance before you became a parent. Read on -- if you dare!

1. You will always, always, ALWAYS be tired and always will feel as though you could lie down and sleep for 15 hours straight.

2. Sleep deprivation will lead to a brain-crushing haze that will cause your sharp mind to fade for a minimum of one calendar year, and possibly even longer -– but you’ll have to fake it and pretend nothing is wrong around other people at work.

3. Sleep deprivation also will create in you a strange and inexplicable spelling disorder that will cause you to use the wrong “to,” “your” and “its,” despite your most careful intentions. You’ll also start to spell some words phonetically -- and wildly incorrectly -- all because you’re trying to do too many things at once in much too much of a hurry.

4. While it’s always been mega-challenging on all sorts of levels, work outside the home will become the biggest, most gargantuan, most Herculean effort you ever tackled. You will feel like you completed the Ironman in Kona, Hawaii at the end of most otherwise ordinary work weeks. (Not that I have ANY idea what completing the Ironman in Kona feels like, mind you -- but I watched a documentary about it recently and identified with it in the most uncanny way.)

From Katrin Schumann, mom and co-author of “Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too,” for which she interviewed over 500 women to share tips about modern parenting.

Do working moms whine too much about their responsibilities, expecting co-workers to pick up the slack when family duties call — or do they suffer from inflexible workplace regulations? Should we buck up and be uncomplaining “professionals,” or fight for legislation that will lighten our load?

A recent article by British Vogue editor Alexandra Shulman has mothers on both sides of the Atlantic crying foul. Shulman argues that legislation protecting working mothers risks sending the glass ceiling we’ve all worked so hard to breach crashing down on our heads. “Let’s not put that progress back,” the working mother-of-one says, “by creating a world where the next generation of women workers becomes too inconvenient and awkward to employ.”

Though I work 30–40 hours a week, I am my own boss and make my own hours. If one of my three children calls, I can drop everything. Not so for most working moms. One woman we interviewed — a Hollywood player, no less — said she can’t even put up a picture of her kids in the office. Another mom negotiated a three-day work week, only to find herself working full-time hours at three-fifths of her salary.